How to pill a cat

I have to admit that I was sent this through the Addison's Dog Yahoo Group I belong to, so I can't take credit for it, nor do I know who the author is. But it is too funny not to share.

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply
pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop
pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm
and repeat process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly
with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in
from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand
while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's
throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to
buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and
vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from
below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil
and blow into drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet
with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and
close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert
spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to
neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from
foil wrap.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth
followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get someone to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches
fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home and order new dining table.

Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have
any hamsters.